If Life Was A Fairytale
by StormieSkies
Summary: Dan is depressed, even if he doesn't want to admit it. He's also in love with his best friend and flatmate. Maybe his life isn't a fairytale, but maybe he can have a fairytale ending? Rated T for language


Dan stared at Phil, who was innocently oblivious to the love and passion burning off his best friend.

"Bye guys!" Phil said in that adorable voice of his, before shutting off the camera.

Dan was watching Phil be a bundle of joy from the door, but all he could feel though was sorrow. It wasn't that Dan was depressed, he couldn't be! He just always felt sad. Sad wasn't even the right word. He felt empty. There was no sorrow, only numbness. Sure, he would smile on camera and be a sarcastic little shit all the time, but outside, he was just an empty shell of a being. Phil never noticed, he never even heard Dan crying in his room at 3 a.m. probably because he was asleep, but in those moments, Dan needed a friend.

Dan wanted Phil. He wanted Phil so badly. Not in the sexual way, although that would be nice. Dan just _wanted_ Phil. He wanted to cuddle up with him at night, snuggle up to him on the couch while watching Buffy and drinking hot chocolate. He wanted all these things with Phil, but surely Phil didn't feel the same way. Dan's life wasn't a fairytale, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

"Dan? What are you doing?" Phil's voice snapped Dan back into the reality of hell that was his life.

"Huh? Oh- nothing. Just got bored. Um.. I'll go.." Dan muttered, quickly walking away from a very confused Phil, and locking their bathroom door.

He felt wetness on his cheek. He hadn't even realized he was crying until he slumped up against the door and let them fall.

 _I'm so worthless.. Phil will never want me. No one would even care if I fucking dropped dead. Why me? What the hell did I do to deserve being so worthless? I should just end it all…._

Dan wanted to die, but he wasn't depressed. He swears to you he isn't depressed. He stood up, head ad eyes hurting from crying. He lifted up his sleeves and looked at the marks decorating his arms. He usually tried not to. He didn't want to. But the thirsted for it. The feel of the cool razor against his pathetically weak skin. Dan open the drawer and took out his razor from it's hiding spot in an area Phil would never look. He drew the blade across his skin one, two times.

 _Three's the charm…_ He thought to himself as he drew the blade across his arm once more.

The blade helped him feel. Dan decided a long time ago he would rather feel the pain of a razor than nothing at all. He cleaned the blood out of the sink and off the floor right before he heard the knocking at the bathroom door.

"Dan? You alright in there? You've been in there for ages!" He heard Phil's familiar voice drift through the wood.

"Uh y-yeah. I'm fine… I'll be out in a few minutes, alright?" He managed to stutter out.

"Dan are you sure you're okay? You sound like you're hurt?" Phil said in a concerned voice.

 _He's not actually worried. If you let him in and he sees the cuts, he won't care. He'll pretend and he'll clean them up. But he won't truly and honestly care. Shouldn't you know that by know, Dan? I thought Jake had taught you that. But I guess not. Let him in, find out._

Dan's little devil was speaking for him again. He walked over and unlocked the door, then opened it. Before he could register what he had done, he saw a pair of blue eyes grow wide with worry looking at him.

 _You look like a mess, you bitch! You should have cleaned yourself up before letting him in! Now he's going to leave, because he knows your emo scum! He knows you're empty now. HE'S GOING TO LEAVE YOU!_

The paranoia grew in Dan's stomach as Phil continued to just stare.

"P-Please don't leave me…" Dan managed to stutter out before he saw Phil look confused, concerned, and worried all at once.

"Dan how could you think I would leave you? I'm never going to leave you. Now, let's clean you up, then you and me can talk over some hot chocolate, yeah?" Phil said to him with kind eyes.

Dan waited for the little devil inside of him to speak, but it never came. Instead, Dan just nodded, and let Phil clean him up, talk to him, and help him get better.

* * *

That was four years ago. Dan's 25 now, and Phil's 29. They're happily engaged, and Dan hasn't heard from his little devil in a long time.

So maybe Dan's life isn't a fairytale. But maybe, you don't need a fairytale when you have all you need. A roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and the man you've loved since you were 21, sleeping right beside you and holding you, just like you had hoped for all along.


End file.
